Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
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Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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