i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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