Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
