Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
