i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
