Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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