in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
