You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
