508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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