Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
