oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize