saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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