I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
