How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
