The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
