I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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