No stitches, just platelets and will power
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
