if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
