And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
