i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
