No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Will exercising make me less horny?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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