jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
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I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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