You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize