Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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