Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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