if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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