two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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