People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
