And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
