I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
