This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
