make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
