I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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