YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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