yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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