i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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