I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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