i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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