I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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