Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
