If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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