Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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