What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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