I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
