it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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