you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
