Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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