My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I use my feet as sexual weapons
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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