Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
