her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
