Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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