forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
