when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
