I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
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i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
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The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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