and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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