he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
