My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
