I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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