i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I need moral support for this bender
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
