On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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