So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
