I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
