I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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