What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Sorry my hands just texted you
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
