and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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