Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
