she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
