She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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