Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
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The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
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He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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