those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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